Al Jazeera has published a letter that was purportedly written by Ayman al Zawahiri to the heads of al Qaeda’s franchises in Iraq and Syria. Two senior US intelligence officials contacted by The Long War Journal say the letter is genuine.
In the letter, dated May 23, Zawahiri rules on a dispute between the emirs of al Qaeda’s Islamic State of Iraq (ISI) and the Al Nusrah Front in Syria. The disagreement has reportedly caused problems for al Qaeda’s operations since it first became public in early April.
And now the ‘Satire’: I Hate My Boss
From: A. al-Zawahiri
To: All Associates
Subject: Mandatory Weekend Retreat
Oh fucking terrific. I popped my head up over my cubicle to see if Khalid had read it yet, and he just sorta looks up at me and rolls his one good eye. …
“Brothers, at the end of the day, to break through the strategic gap, we have to level-set all associates to tee-up a flat, service-focused organizational paradigm with benchmarks for long range results.”
1. Develop Skill-Set Synergies For Expelling Crusaders From Mesopotamia
2. Achieve Buy-In For Scalable ‘Bleeding Edge’ Regional Amirate Platform
3. Implement Adaptive ‘Win-Win’ Map To Break Down Intra-Regional Jihad Silos
4. Champion Mission-Critical Processes For Dis-Implementing Zionist Pigs
5. Pareto-ize Alpha Office for Stakeholder-Focused Global Sharia Capabilities